I have written so much on this topic in other places I will only give a few brief points here. If you are in an abusive relationship I strongly advise you to visit the link above which will take you to our other websites more specifically on abuse.

1. 1.Do not ask your partner to change without first building trust. This includes saying their name like you like them when you see them and not threatening to leave if you really don’t want to.
   

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2. 2.Limit the abuse. You must have zero tolerance for abuse. Do not cry or stay angry or wait until there is a fight. If you are being abused get help now and talk to people who can help you when you are calm and not upset. There will be many people in your community you can turn to, including the police and social services or your doctor, clergy or even your partner’s employer. Express concern for your partner’s well-being and show that you care about them (and don’t treat them like your enemy) and people will be more willing to help. You must not protect your partner from what they are doing. They must face the consequences of their own behaviour and you must overcome your fear of asking for help.
   

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3. 3.Learn to be more emotionally intelligent. Do not wait for your partner to make you feel better when you are hurt or upset. It is very important that you learn to cheer yourself up. Do not use emotions to punish your partner or to try and change things (like staying angry) instead try and move past upsets easily (and limit the abuse instead by getting help).
   

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4. 4.Choose some goals to challenge your partner with and set reasonable time frames for these. Such as “I challenge you to start holding your temper and I will give you three months. At the moment you lose it with someone nearly every day, lets see how long it takes for you to get that down to once a week? The faster you learn to let it pass when you get angry, the more points you will earn in my book”, (with a smile).
   

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© MODPOD 2009